[Quiet Thoughts] Preview of the Pattern

Photo: Ursa Major’s map of the world, made during his study of Ghana for the past month of so. I am not sure who did the writing here (that’s not his handwriting), but it’s one of the rare things I’ve seen him fully and lovingly complete at school. It’s not to say I haven’t seen completed work… I’m just saying, he’s not usually the kid who will sit there and color every inch of a thing. Anyway, it’s pretty and I’m delighted to have it home with me.

I wish I had taken a picture of this child on Wednesday morning. Imagine Ursa Major, a little Dunkin’ cup in his right hand, his left hand in his jeans back pocket, standing in front of various pieces of artwork he has made, casually talking to me about the process of it all.

“I looked at the statue, then I thought about it for a little bit, and then I started to draw what I saw,” he said before taking a sip of Ghanaian hot chocolate. “It took a couple of days.”

Have gave a little nod, took another sip. “Yeah,” he said to himself in satisfaction.

There was something about the proud look, the way he stood with one foot out and his hips just so, the way he sorta leaned in and leaned out as he spoke about his process and the piece… I didn’t know how in the world he became so grown. Sometimes, he’d stand and look at someone else’s work, swirling the hot chocolate around in his cup absently, and I’d just watch him there being himself.

My husband and I are listening to The Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. The conceptualization of life and time as a woven pattern has been a fun to experience. Each one of us represents a thread in the pattern, and what we do is just a thought of it. There is a character who (of course), can see a bit of the future of the pattern in viewings. Anyway, this is a long way of me saying: damn, I am pretty sure I saw Major 20 years from now while standing with him in his 2nd grade classroom. I saw him, clear as day. I knew him and liked him and respected him. It was a clear and wonderful moment of affirmation. Like yes, you know what, Mama? These decisions are creating the results you want.

I think that one of the supreme privileges that I get to have as his mama is that I get to have visions of him not only as he is but also of who he was or who I want him to be. I see the wee bebe, I see the mischievous toddler, I see the gangling teenager, I see (with God’s help) the handsome, confident man. He is, in my eyes, all of himself. The entirety of the timeline of his life. It’s a delightful, though sometimes unsettling, trick of the mind.

Adulthood is a trick and a trap, but I’m grateful that it comes with hopeful moments like what I had this week. You don’t know you’re walking into a moment of grace until you’re just about done with it. Then it’s gone, fluttering away, leaving you with smile and the echo in your memory. I don’t know when my next blissful, graceful moment will come, but I am grateful for that little gift.

Here is another one, this one from Ursa Minor:

My little engineer in the making is has an artists’ heart. He’s his father’s child, through and through. Every single inch of him. It’s incredible.

These two children really are something. They are worth all the trouble… and oh, what trouble they are. 🙂

It’s a windy day here in MetroWest. The sun is trying to warm things up around here, but thick clouds block the way more often than not. The lawn is too tall and very green. I pray The Husband has time to mow it this weekend. Suburban problems, for sure. The window boxes are out and thriving. Plants are probably going out into the beds this weekend. I relish the green and honor it. I remember the snow and know it will return sooner than I want it to. But not right now. There are yet longer, greener, brighter, warmer days ahead. Thanks be to God.

This Friday, I wish you good reading. Very, very good reading. Get to the bookstore and pick up a book today! My favorite new author, Cadwell Turnbull, has his debut book The Lesson coming out next month. He’s giving away 5 copies in a neat little giveaway. If you’re interested, check it out today! I also wish you good eating! Something fresh and light, but still with a good spicy protein like jerk chicken or marinated shrimp or something. Something that will still sit on your stomach and make you feel warm and full. I wish you sangria, because I’m craving it and it’s the perfect time of year for it. I wish you time with an absolute favorite person: either in-person or on the phone. Do take a little time to be in a beloved person’s company. Lucky you if you can get to the beach this weekend. But a backyard or a cafe or a sunny park will do. Be sure just to breathe into the gratitude of the moment: you’re here, you’re loved, life isn’t passing you by, if is all the things you’re making of it. I wish you a smooch on the cheek, a big squeezing hug, and a big ol’ belly laugh. And then, I wish you rest. A little quiet, a little stillness, a little sleep. Reclaim some of your time, Dear Reader.

You are loved. You are loved for no other reasons than you were thoughtfully made and you are infinitely beautiful. All other reasons (and there are so, so many) are bonus. You are loved because you do things in the world that make it a better place. You are loved because you do the things that must be done to keep the world spinning. There are people in the world who know you and watch you and feel inspired to do more. There are people who admire you and speak of you fondly. I guarantee you that you are on someone’s mind right this very second, that you are being thought of with a tenderness and a fondness that you can’t even imagine. In this, you are lucky. And now that you know this, please do tell the people you encounter the very same. Tell someone they are loved. Tell them that what they do in the world matters. Tell them that they hold back the darkness and we’re all better for it.

I’m not going to lie, I plan on being very not working on Monday. The boys have a parade to march in and I plan on (very respectfully and patriotically) drinking mimosas with one of my mom friends and unpacking all of the last few crazy weeks. I needs the break. I needs it bad. So don’t expect to hear from me on Monday. And then there is Rector Search on Wednesday… but I’ll here for Quiet Thoughts on Friday. I promise. I do! Really!

So, until Friday, take care.

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