Queen of the Moms

Photo: The greatest goodie bag of all time?


Yes, I wrote a whole post bashing goodie bags… then my friend convinced me to let her make them for Major’s birthday party anyway. I realize this makes me look real soft on my convictions. I suppose I would say that I love my friend more than I hate goodie bags… and I love my kids… and they expected goodie bags. Strong convictions die not in an explosion, but with a resigned sigh… yes, yes, I deserve your judgement.

But look at that spread. Oh my God!

My friend made constellation maps, and periodic tables, and a cool word search, and a little vial of candy, and these nifty bags with gumdrops and toothpicks to make models of molecules out of… and the coolest thing of all? Petri dishes full of “bacteria” made of cotton candy, sprinkles, and candy. Ya’ll, look at this thing:


Every kid got a bag with their name spelled out with elements from the periodic table.

Ya’ll, they took my breath away. I would never have come up with this in a million, trillion years! I told her that she’d make a fortune marketing this service to moms. I’d write that website in a heartbeat! I’m hoping she will take me up on the offer. I’m telling you, genius is genius and genius should be recognized.

So we had those awesome goodie bags and we also hired an awesome inventor guy to come out and entertain the kiddos. I wish I could show you pictures from the madness, but all of them contain the happy faces of kiddos who aren’t mine. You’re just going to have to believe me when I say it was the best party ever. If you live in Massachusetts, you must hire him.

First, they started with stomp rockets. The kiddos made their own foam rockets and then put them on these stands and stomped on this thing that shot air through the rockets and sent them soaring through the air.

Then the guy set up this crazy fan contraption, and the kids blew up balloons and decorated them and put stuff on them and put them over the fan to see how far they could fly. Then they figured out they could put fins on the balloons and that would make them spin and stuff and it was crazy.

Then the guy broke out these PVC pipe things and wash cloth remnants and rubber bands and bubble solution, and the kids made bubble “foamers” they they promptly blew over the still going fan of crazy and bubble went everywhere.

Then they made these things called “air zookas” which, I kid you not, are made out of plastic cups with the bottoms cut out of them, electrical tape, little wooden handles, and slashed open balloons. Stretch the balloon over the naturally open end of the cup and tape it, tape on the handle, then pull the balloon back like a slingshot and it makes the best sound and a puff of air. Add cups and you amplify the sound and the air. It’s crazy. One kid made an air zooka with 10 freaking cups. It was bigger than he was!

And then the dude broke out a hover craft made out of foam board, a leaf blower and a beach chair. Kids glided across the floor and laughed and laughed.

Ya’ll. That’s not even all the things. That’s just some of the things.

Two kids came to me afterward and said, “this is the best party we’ve ever been to. Ever.”

Yo… on Saturday from 11 to 2, I was the Queen of the Suburban Moms. The number one bestest ones. Hot dogs. Cupcakes. Awesome entertainment. Badass goodie bags. The Queen of the Suburbs! Short was my reign, but damn was it awesome!

Even if you don’t believe me, I have to write it anyway: I didn’t do it for the glory. I hired this guy because the boys did a Scouts program with him and they talked about it for 3 weeks. It’s really hard to plan a birthday party for a Massachusetts kid in January. I can’t wait until he’s old enough to just want to have a chill video game sleepover with 3 friends. In the meantime, I’ve gotta hope venues and be creative and it’s exhausting. This, however, just ended up being awesome.

So that was the big bright spot of my weekend. The rest of it was a black hole. My in-laws were here. They arrived on Thursday. My mother-in-law still sucks. I’m trying to decide if I want to write about her or what I’m going to do. She chipped one of Grandy’s bowls while she was here. That’s not the story. The story is what happened after. We’ll see if I write about it.

Anyway, it’s Monday and I’m already crazy. Can I get any fiction written this week? Lord I hope so. I need to send something to my writing group on Friday.

What’s your goal for the week, Dear Reader? Let’s punch at it together. I, former Queen of the Moms, am right here with you. Who knows, maybe you’ll wear the crown before the week is over?

Until Wednesday, rock on and take care.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Tikeetha T says:

    The goodie bags look awesome. Yes you were the queen of moms.

  2. Trish says:

    Heck, I want to go to that party!

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