“What Happened to the Elf?”

Photo: My latest finished holiday project. Thanks be to God, because I need to get it out the door on Sunday morning. Knitting projects are best when they have a nice story. This scarf is made with reclaimed cashmere my dear friend Britt gifted to me. I got to use her wonderful gift and make this scarf out of it for my Confirmand. I like how the threads connect three women together instead of one. Kindness, work and warmth.  There is joy running through every stitch.

 

During the daily morning rebellion, Ursa Major and Ursa Minor chose to ponder the state of the season rather than get out of bed and get dressed. During their musings of what’s this and what’s that, Ursa Minor came up with a most serious question:

“I wonder what happened to our Elf?”

“Yeah, he never came this year,” Major said.

There was a pregnant pause. I was delighted to fill the air with an answer:

“Maybe ya’ll have been so bad this year that he hasn’t even bothered to show up!

Ohhhh it felt so good to say this out loud, especially mid-battle for simply getting the boys out of bed, getting them dressed and getting them downstairs! I gloried in my wit! Truly I did!

Minor, who matches my bad attitude one for one, responded with: “psssh. No way. We’re not bad. You’re bad.”

Major, who is never quite that bold, simply added, “we’re really not that bad.”

Me: “Ya’ll are so bad! Ya’ll so, so bad!”

Minor just scoffed. It’s an idea so beneath him, he stopped dignifying me with a response. That child… oh my God.

Truth is, the aren’t bad. I mean, ya’ll know that. It’s just funny that they know that, too. Which is… Lordy. And, truth be told, since breaking my ankle, they’ve both really stepped up. They’re wonderful and ridiculous and spoiled and marvelous. I just can’t even.

Anyway, that distracted them from the elf, which was the point.

Because I left the stupid elf in Maryland last Christmas

and I don’t

fucking

care.

Like, at all.

As a matter of fact, I’m delighted.

Not using the Elf of the Shelf this year is the best thing that has happened this holiday season. I actually think the elf makes things worse! I think it’s a weird daily reminder that raises their excitement in all the wrong ways. I don’t want to say it makes them anxious, because that’s a loaded word right now. I don’t think it gives them anxiety. I do, however, think it makes the boys constantly think about Santa and gifts, and not think about the lovely joys of the season, or the wonderful treat of getting to go home. We’ve had so much fun doing everything else this season. The elf was just an annoying distraction.

My mom found our stupid elf amongst her Christmas things. He had tape on one leg.

“What happened to his leg?”

“I got sick of moving him so I said he fell and broke his leg.”

Mom feigned shock and dismay. “And you’re the one who is limping this season! Look at that!”

God don’t like ugly, as we southerners say.

I still don’t feel bad.

I told her that she can put the elf somewhere in her house. We’ll see if the boys find him and notice. I guess that means he’ll have to come back to Massachusetts. Maybe he’ll get dropped off in New Jersey or something by accident. I have time to ponder.

Oh Dear Reader, it’s Wednesday. How are you holding up? There is so much to do, but we’re moving along, aren’t we? Let’s finish this week together strong, ok?

I’ll see you Friday for Quiet Thoughts.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Britt says:

    1. I love that we’re all connect in that scarf!
    2. I hate Elf on the Shelf and I think you are SPOT ON regarding the “anxiety” or maybe “misdirected anticipation” that it fosters. I hope they don’t find him.
    3. STRONG FINISH! Trying, trying. xoxo

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