Director to Spectator

Photo: I name this photo “doin’ too much” and “stupid mistakes are stupid.”


I ran a meeting on Monday night and I thought that during the general discussion portion of the meeting I could quickly cast on a sock. The ball of yarn above is one of those “unravel from the middle” gigs, and all you have to do is find the end in the middle. Well, I spend half the meeting pulling out the guts of this thing like a complete idiot. I was all,  Oh yes, thought insights, intelligent comments, nodding and agreement, woo woo woo… all while fingers are probing and pulling at this string. Surely half the team thought I was crazy.

I never found the damn middle end. I took the outside end and cast on with that, getting two quick rows in and feeling better about myself by the end of the meeting. There was still a mess of yarn to deal with when I got home.

Yesterday morning, I sat at the table with the boys while they ate their breakfast and got to work unknotting and re-raveling the mess I made. They eyed the process with deep fascination: the birthing of the knot from the skein to the table, the locating (finally!) of the middle end, the wrapping of the middle end around my finger and starting a new ball. They could barely chew their food for the watching of it all. Awed silence transitioned into a torrent of questions, many of them repeated over and over again in different ways as if the answer would change.

Though this isn’t a quiet thoughts post, I do wonder what little seeds were planted yesterday as they watched me do that. What little things sparked, what little desires started. Maybe it will end of being nothing at all… but I’m proud there was a moment when my two hands were more entertaining that Zak Storm or Skylanders. It makes me wonder, also, about what things Mom or Grandy did that made me stop what I was doing to stare with my full attention. I can’t recall now, but I’m sure there were such moments.

Anyway, all is well. The sock is underway. So is a scarf for a young friend:


That’s cashmere and reclaimed cashmere. Merry Christmas, indeed!

Speaking of Christmas, so… Stitch Fix now does fixes for kids. I was curious and decided to order fixes for each of the boys. They enjoy being part of the experience whenever my own Fixes arrive. Major’s came yesterday and this happened:


This child is a rock star. He just takes my breath away. I’m not the most attractive woman in the world. (And that’s ok for me to write. I know my strengths and weaknesses.) My husband and I are both regular looking nerds. I am just not sure how the genetics combined in such a way to make this child. It scares me, frankly, because I just don’t understand how it’s possible.

Anyway, there was a bunch of stuff in the box, but we gravitated to two things: those shoes and that jacket. I cannot express to you how awesome both items are! Both weren’t cheap: $45 each. You get to apply your $20 styling fee to whatever you purchase, so basically I told him he could get one item. It was a hard, hard choice, but he went with the shoes. This was the best choice because that jacket is just his size. One good growth spurt and he’s out of it.

So, being the mom I am, I thought I’d try to exchange it for the size up and then have Santa bring it for Christmas. Unfortunately, they’re sold out! I’m working with someone to see if we can find a replacement. The team handling the kids boxes is wonderful!

Minor also got a fun box. He, too, opted for the shoes:


To be clear, Minor is just as beautiful. He just hates taking photos unless he gets to be silly. I’m down with it.

This is an indulgence I’m not going to do all the time, else we’ll be bankrupt in a hurry. We’ll do this for the special occasions and when big things are on the horizon. I will say it’s nice to see their different styles emerge… the things they love, the things they hate. I’m enjoying watching them explore a bit more about who they are and how they seem themselves fitting into the world. It is a relief (yes, a relief, sincerely), that motherhood can still delight and surprise. I’m grateful that the grueling moments still don’t outweigh the light ones, and that profound revelations can come from seemingly trivial things.

Sure, it’s clothes. These shoes that we bought will last a few fleeting months. But they represent the emergence of both a transition point and a developmental milestone: their style and how they present themselves to the world will be less and less dictated and directed by me. More and more, they are becoming themselves. Soon, I will just be a spectator.

I hope I’m preparing them well.

It’s Wednesday. Are you taking care of yourself? The next two days will probably be intense. Breathe. Take care of yourself. You don’t have to consume this the way they want you to. You don’t have to let your reaction dictate how the rest your day will go. Tap into the commitments you made to yourself this week. Take care, Dear Reader. Take care.

I’ll see you Friday for Quiet Thoughts.

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