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4 months ago

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Photo: Oh hey, I make notebooks now. 🙂 First one goes to Major. Tomorrow’s go to Minor. We’re doing Moon Journals this summer (which will probably dissolve into drawing and writing about whatever they want, really. I’m sure that will happen very quickly.)

 

Ursa Minor came off the bus with a puffy face and rosy cheeks, the tears just starting to dry. Last Day of School Blues.

I thought we might get through the day without crying (last year, he sobbed through breakfast and could barely make it to school on the last day), but this year he seemed ok. I can’t say I was surprised to see his tears when he got off the bus, but… you know… it’s hard to see your kid cry, especially for such a sweet reason.

“It’s hard to say goodbye to friends, baby,” I consoled. He hugged me tight as we walked up the driveway. We think we’re going to get a new bus driver next year, after having two years with our awesome bus driver, and we’ve all been sad about it. I had to hold back my own tears when I said goodbye. It’s been a delightful two years with him.

“You know why I’m proud of you? Because you love everyone you meet, and it really doesn’t take much for you to find something to love,” I said. It’s true. Major is a kid who seems to find something to love in every person. His emotional intelligence makes for high drama around this house, but it makes for tender moments, too. Here is my child, his heart on his sleeve, reconciling fact that sometimes “good-bye” becomes more complex the older you get. Moreover, it’s funny how much he continues to prove to be my child… I was holding my baby and holding myself.

The last day of school is a bitter-sweet thing. Where in the years past I was mourning the end, knowing my free hours are going to be gone for a few weeks, this year I’m feeling down-right relieved for the break. We need this time to put it back together. We’ve gotta come down from some things, calm down from some things, and figure out who we are after a marathon year. I’m not going to lie–this is the first year where I’m not fully sure where the school year went. I kinda can’t believe I’m going to have a 1st and 2nd grader next year. I really do want things to slow down just a touch. Juuuust a touch. Because wow…. it really did blow right past me.

I know it’s irrational, but I’m feeling a bit guilty about that. It’s totally irrational, but it’s absolutely there.

I’ll write about this more on Friday, but I expected too much of myself this school year and the result has been a pretty awesome crash and burn. The boys are in school all day, yes, and I did get the most freedom I’ve had since having kids, and that was wonderful… but I didn’t get the world. My days and weeks still have limits. I gotta pace myself. I gotta be patient. Whatever my next act is going to be, I’m on a slow build.

And frankly, in my rush to get back to something for myself, I missed some things. I’m not sure that 1st year was a particularly great year for Major. I mean, it wasn’t terrible, but I should have been paying more attention. He sorta floated through the year and I was too wrapped up in myself to notice. Next year is about balancing and rebalancing… again. I feel like I’m always recalibrating. Lordy.

I am going to sign off before I write about politics again. I can’t do it. I’m just in mourning now.

I’ll see you Friday for Quiet Thoughts.

 

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