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3 months ago

760 words

Photo: You know what those are, Dear Reader? Potential strawberries! Oh yeah! Just need some bees to come and do that thing they do and bam, delicious strawberries will be mine! I will not share them. I will whip cream in my Kitchen Aid while everyone is off to work and school, I will harvest all of them and I will eat them all. And it will be glorious. Sweet, sweet mommy revenge! mwahahahahahahahahaha!

 

I may have mentioned in passing that The Husband and I are in deep negotiation about if there will be a third little bear added to the family. It’s a topic that we’ve been circling for about a year now, with the prospect on and off the table depending on the ebbs and flows of this crazy life we are living. Sometime at the beginning of Lent, we both looked at each other and decided that we were going to make a decision. There are time constraints and other things now, opportunities that are on the horizon. If we are going to do this thing, this is the moment and we need to seize it.

Longtime readers can probably suspect all of our reasons why and why-not. Why? Because wow, wouldn’t it be nice if we could have a little girl? Wouldn’t it be nice to add one more voice to a pretty dynamic bunch, no matter what the gender? Why not? Well, ain’t life expensive enough as it is? We have two beautiful, healthy boys… should we really push this blessing any further? The boys will finally both be in school full time…why are we trying to start over?

And then there is that little question about space. This house feels like it’s getting smaller by the day. Put all the baby infrastructure back in the mix and I’m afraid we won’t be able to move around!

None of these are easy questions to answer. Any given day, we are either all about it or ready to get the first surgery available. It’s not fun, really. We’re at a bit of an impasse… with ourselves. We’re both of the mind of “if we can make it work, let’s make it happen.” The what-if factor scares the hell out of us both.

We’ve been putting out little weather balloons with our two boys to see how they would feel about a new addition. Maybe we’re hoping that they will be the tie-breaker… if they gave an adamant indication for or against, we’d take heed and make moves. But the boys are boys, selfish and playful, hilarious and full of joy.

“If we had a girl in the house, there would be a lot of purple around,” Major said last week on the way to school. “Purple is a girl color.”

“I mean, it’s a color… it’s not a girl color. Boys can like purple, too,” I suggested.

“I’ve never seen a boy wear purple,” he scoffed.

“Um, Prince wore purple and he was the ultimate and most awesome of all boys.”

“Who?”

(This gave me an excellent excuse to play a little Prince for the rest of the ride.)

Minor’s objection is purely material:

“A baby would want to play with my Lego train and I don’t want the baby to mess up my Lego train because the baby won’t understand how to use it.”

Oh, and his objection is also about personal comfort:

“But babies cry when I’m trying to sleep, and… when I’m trying to sleep, I don’t want to hear crying because then I can’t sleep.”

I really must say, it’s hard to argue with that.

The great risk offers great reward, or calamity… but the regret matters, too. I don’t want to look back and wonder. I don’t want to look back and sigh. Then again, I don’t want to lose my mind or set us on an unsustainable financial path (I mean, you don’t really think the cost of college is going to be resolved in the next decade or so, do you?).

There is room in the heart, but is there room in this life? What did you other mamas do? Some of ya’ll Dear Readers have 5 kids or more! I’d love to know how you stopped worrying and just let life come. I know so many mamas of three. Some are so happy, couldn’t imagine life with less. Some are… not. Some are bonkers. Some are overwhelmed and angry and nobody is happy. Send me some thoughts! I need some wisdom!

See you Friday for Quiet Thoughts

4 Replies to “Party of Five?”

  1. I’m in the same headspace. Part of me wants to foster and potentially adopt another child but I feel like a have a shoestring grasp on my sanity most days as is and there’s just me and the kid. I can hear the little clock ticking in my mind because sooner rather than later my social worker is going to start asking if I want to maintain my licensce and ultimately take in another child.

    1. “I feel like [I] have a shoestring grasp on my sanity most days as it is….]

      This sentence. THIS HERE SENTENCE. This is the ultimate sentence of truth. I agree with this sentence on all levels: heart, mind and SOUL! Yes. I’m here with you.

      And yet, I’m here with you when it comes to that nagging feeling, too.

      I’m sorry that the clock for you is a matter of government, though. I know that the process is expensive and brutal. How much would it cost if you let the license lapse but then wanted to try again? Do you have to start the process all over again? God bless you for willingly opening up your heart, home and life to government so as to save a child and love them as your own. I really admire you for what you do. It’s not easy.

  2. (Lol, I’m behind with blog subscriptions, sorry.)

    I’m a third child, four years younger than my brother and six years younger than my sister. I’m not a parent and am unlikely ever to be for many reasons, but I’m quite glad my parents decided to have a third child, because if they hadn’t, I wouldn’t exist. And that’s about all I can say on the matter, to be honest; I have no other expertise!

    1. Haha, no worries. 🙂 Hello and welcome back.

      Huzzah for third babies! Lord, since writing this post I’ve been like, “YES THIS IS HAPPENING” and then I’ve been like, “OH HELL NO THIS SHOP IS CLOSED FOREVER!!!” Especially this week, as the boys gave me no quarter. No quarter at all. Motherhood… Lordy…

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