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1 year ago

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Photo: The first picnic table is dry and ready for use. I’m so glad that we went with a stain instead of paint or… chevrons. The rich, dark color looks so handsome next to the bright barn and the stone fence. Cool nights mean that we have to wait to stain the other one (The Husband says it needs to be above 55 degrees or something), but one will surely serve well for now. If it ever warms up! Turn on the warmth, please!

 

It’s hard to say that the weekend was a wild disappointment, seeing as it was 80 degrees and glorious on Saturday. Who the hell can say, “it was a terrible weekend” when the sky was too blue, the sun was too warm and the yard is lush and green? I just can’t do it… but I can’t say it was perfect, either.

First of all, I did too much. I thought I could get right back into the things I need to get into at my normal pace and be fine. It’s not true. Healing is a whole-body affair, I guess,  and twice I hit a brick wall that forced me right to bed for rest. My surgeon called today–they did one last test on the lump to have final confirmation that it was harmless. She said that they found something something [medical terms that she said too fast go here], but all of that is benign but good that it’s out. I was annoyed when she called me and asked for “Kai-ra” instead of “Keer-ra.” It’s a small thing, I know, but… didn’t you just cut me open? Shouldn’t you have taken the time to learn my name? It’s the little things that make a big difference sometimes.

I’m being nit-picky, I know! Sorry! Stuff like that makes me grumpy.

I did tell her that I still feel a little out of sorts. I feel tired, I’ve had a few headaches, I have unexplained (but sharp and significant) back pain (probably because I can’t sleep in my normal position so everything is off). She told me this is not unheard of, take it easy, keep my appointment with her at the end of the week. Fine, fine, yes, yes.

It’s difficult to take it easy because I’ve got so little time left to get anything done. The boys have seven days of school left and one of those days I’m the parent helper. I’m prematurely mourning the loss of any sort of productivity that I could have in the next few months. I’m also cursing the Fusion under my breath for destroying our budget. This was the year, Dear Reader! The year for camp! The year for something! But nooooo

And, actually, the Fusion is the source of the weekend’s disappointment. Not the car itself,  as she is still running, but our search for a replacement. We thought we found a Sienna that meets our needs this weekend and started working with a dealership to find a price that worked. There was a lot of back-and-forth, a bit of hopefulness, but it all fell through late Saturday afternoon. It was very disappointing. There is a gap, not huge but certainly big enough, between the price of the car and what we want/can pay for it. The Husband is very firm about the budget line. We have a number and he isn’t going above it. We aren’t made of money. This is going to be a stretch. Unfortunately, it makes things a bit tense, a bit uncomfortable. I respect his stance and I’m not pushing. I just wish things could be different. There were quiet moments of regret: why did I ever leave my job? Maybe I should get back into the workforce. Why don’t I do more to offer financial contribution?

Those moments passed. But the challenges still linger and the only thing that we can do is wait. We two parents had to manage our disappointment while still managing to smile, nurture, provide for and entertain two little boys who don’t understand and don’t really care. Being an adult freaking sucks.

You know what doesn’t suck? Sage advice from my grandmother (“every young family you’ve ever known has done this”) and my mother (“breathe into this. You have to breathe into the challenge. Understand that you are in it, then breathe into it and keep pushing through it”). Thank God for Sunday afternoons and the gift of always being able to call home. Soft, clean locs  after finally getting to wash my hair this weekend certainly don’t suck. I could use a deep condition but that will have to wait for some other time. Po’boys instead of Meatless Monday also don’t suck (I know, I know! I’ve gotta get back on the wagon!!). I’ve got a French menu going on for the rest of the week. Tomorrow? Chicken in a pot. My first time trying it. I can’t even wait. Hopefully, there will be awesome pictures on Wednesday.

Believe it or not, it’s cold enough that I have the windows closed and the heat on. Again. I thought it was off for the season! I hope it is warm where you are, Dear Reader, and I hope that your week is off to a productive start. Please share some motivation so that I can make these precious few school days count for something! No, actually… it’s too late. It’s too late! Go on and be productive without me!

Haha, sorry. Such drama. I’ll be ok. 🙂

See you Wednesday.

3 Replies to “It Ain't All Bad”

  1. Backs are temperamental things — mine’s always a disaster, due to vertebrae that slip out if I so much as toss in the wrong direction while I’m asleep. I’ve found that a hot wheat bag (or other microwavable heat pack) for when it’s aching, and then an ice pack for when it actively hurts, is the best cure. Well, that and codeine… The heat relaxes the muscles so if they’re spasming or whatever, they stop doing that, and the ice takes down any inflamation. The hard part is knowing which one to go for. Or finding a way of holding them in place when it’s your upper back (mine usually is) without putting a shoulder out: usually sitting in a chair with them between me and the back works, but you have to stay very still. Anyway, hope you start feeling a bit better soon. 🙂

    1. My lower back has given my problems since college. I took a yoga class one semester and did something to it… got me out of the yoga class (yay!) but has given me trouble ever since (boo). The pregnancies didn’t help. Minor’s, especially, was excruciating in the late weeks because of the back pain. Warm stuff, cold stuff, I try it all. Advil does the trick for the most part. 🙂 I’m sorry that you suffer from back pain. There are a lot of people out there who suffer with it… I feel like you are really young for it, though! I’m sorry

      1. My body seems prematurely old in a lot of ways — sometimes my hips seize up and I’m like an old lady as I hobble along trying to get them to work. It’s all down to my hypermobility syndrome so I’m pretty used to it.

        Yoga’s a dangerous creature, clearly. I hope it settles down soon anyway 🙂

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