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Get Cool With The Choices

4 years ago

943 words

Photo: It doesn’t have the same elegance of the other two, the fabric choices being a little more loud and playful… but I still like it. 🙂 Gotta get this done by Sunday so I can present it to my newest (third!!) nephew! Lord, I hope I can pull it off.


I didn’t quite know just how sick I was until The Husband rolled over in the middle of Monday night and said, “I am pretty sure I am staying home tomorrow.”

[cough] [hack] [wheeze] “Why would you do that? I’m fine!”

“Honey, you’re sick. Just take the day and I’ll take the boys.”

[Foggy sick sleep takes over. Snoring ensues. Husband retreats to quieter spaces.]

I really was a mess. I don’t really get sick… I can’t get sick. Everybody else in the house can, but I can’t. This place can’t function without me! Or so I tell myself to make myself feel important. The house… functioned just fine…


I parked it on the couch and did nothing but watch bad television all day. That’s a pretty big deal because ya’ll know that I’m rarely idle. Truth be told, I barely had the energy to watch Hot Bench or any of the other daytime nonsense that flashed on the screen.

But one thing did pop out at me and stuck in my head all day.

Clorox rolled out a new set of commercials that have me chuckling. There is a (Boomer) woman and a younger (Millennial or slightly older) woman in a kitchen (presumably the younger woman’s kitchen) and the older is chastising the younger about using a non-bleach product to clean up a mess or stain. “So, essentially, you’re spraying orange juice to clean up this grape juice. How does that makes sense. If you want it clean, you need bleach.”

And then there is another one, the two of them in a bathroom post stomach-bug mayhem, and they are standing over a toilet. “So, uh, you think this ‘buh-blam’ stuff is going to take care of the stomach bug germs? Ewww… if you want it clean, you need bleach.”


The reason why I’m laughing is because I recently got rid of my Mr. Clean and even my Seventh Generation stuff and went over exclusively to Borax, Vinegar and Baking Soda. I can’t use bleach because of our septic tank, and I’m pretty convinced that the crap that they put in Mr. Clean  can’t possibly be good for you. I’m actually really freaked out by all the chemicals we use around the boys, and I saw a recent news story highlighting the link between respiratory problems in childhood and bleach use in the house. The follow-up in the broadcast was a bunch of chemical-free cleaning solutions to use instead. I was totally sold.  Cheaper, easier, and no long-lasting ridiculous smell. My grandmother used Borax forever, same with the Vinegar and the Baking Soda. And you know what? They clean really well. I mean, yeah, I’m putting my back into it, but I’m fine with that.

And my mother thinks I’m out and out crazy.

“Why do you Millennials feel like you have to read nonsense on Google and then immediately re-invent the wheel?”

Alright, Mom, calm down. I’m not an anti-vaxxer or anything, I’m just not down with the heavy chemicals to clean the bathroom is all.  I countered with “Why have all ya’ll Boomers decided that we’re the scariest things on two legs? Ya’ll made us who we are, remember?”

It sorta became a thing. Half kidding, half not kidding. I am having a lot of fun looking out for “Millennial” or some allusion there-of in the headlines on a daily basis. We’re not Christian enough, we’re not joining political parties, we aren’t using old-school brands and cleaning methods, we stare at our phones too much, we don’t get married, we’re changing the fast food market and trends, we’re too cool for the schools and college educations that we can’t afford… the list goes on and on.

The counters are the excellent Millennial (older Millennial, us 30-somethings) writers who are popping up in fantastic places (like the Washington Post) who are trying to push back, explain it all and give the elders some damn perspective. I enjoyed a well-written recent commentary about the inauthentic notion that Christian churches need to be cool in order for Millennials to show up. It made me think about our own family choices about church and faith (I’m working on a post about this), but it also got me thinking about the way the world is spinning. A moment is coming when everybody is going to have to get used to us, our values, and our vision. The guard must eventually change. And since ya’ll are the ones who trained us, you can’t take it all back now!

Which brings me back to that Clorox commercial. I think the reason why it strikes me is that it taps into something quite raw: People of a certain age think that people my age are idiots. My mother, my mother-in-law… they use “Millennial” like it’s a four-letter word.  You can just hear it in that Clorox woman’s voice, implicit in the script: “If you want clean, you need bleach, you idiot. What is wrong with you?” 

But who are you mad at, girl? Me, for not using the product or you for not teaching me its value when you had my full attention?

I think that’s a question that all Boomers should ask themselves before they start up with the eye-rolling, shirt-tearing and lamentation: is your anguish really about us or is it about you?

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