Photo: I thought about a selfie (I really must say, my retwist is making me feel fly, so fly!) but I decided that this would be more poetic: My shadow on the snow-covered Concord River. And yeah, those are animal prints on the river. Nifty, huh?
This morning was the first one in four weeks that I’ve had without children. I dropped both boys off at school and left. It was amazing. Between the snow days, parent helping, a freaking stupid school vacation week, I’ve managed to be with my children non-stop, every day for a long while.
And that, compounded with other issues, has caused a writer’s block that is as big, heavy, and unmovable as the ice dam on our roof. So I couldn’t wait to get out and get going. I was overwhelmed by my choices: get some breakfast and then go to the library for some research/reading (I haven’t read a single book in 2015. I think that is part of my problem)? Head out to H-mart to pick up some bulgogi to make for dinner this weekend and some other cool stuff for fun? Get breakfast and some writing exercises to try to break my block? The possibilities were endless!
Now you know it wasn’t gonna be that easy, right?
It wasn’t hard, but I had yet another school duty to perform, which meant that my time to myself was cut a half-hour short, which matters, you know? So… I deflated some of the dreams and thought about the practical and the do-able. I bought bread at the store (necessary for today’s after-school PB&Js), bought myself a coffee, and heading back into town. Toward my favorite place:
I didn’t know what to expect when I started to approach the Old North Bridge this morning. It is a big tourist spot and people usually jog on the path, so I guess I was expecting a few people there… Coffee in hand, gloves on, collar up on my coat, I walked on the narrowly cleared path and came upon silence and emptiness. Nobody was there, up the path, down the path (the people in the picture came while I was leaving) or at the little monuments. It was me and the wind and the snow and
Many, many birds. Enough birds to fill the silence with song. Bird song on a frigid day like this? Magic. So lovely.
I was surprised that the water was completely covered over by the snow, and I was surprised how far that snow came up on the bridge. And the view on both sides? Spectacular…
It was nice to be alone. I’m rarely, if ever, alone. Even when little boys are napping or sleeping, or if The Husband is in his office and I’m somewhere else in the house… that’s not alone, you know? There is always an anticipation for the next want/need/whim/conversation. To be alone in a place for once… It was enough to make me ignore how cold I was for about an hour. It wasn’t until some lady walked by and said, “aren’t you cold yet?” did I realize that I actually was and probably should head back to the car.
When I got back to the car, I turned it on and closed my eyes for a few minutes. No radio, no nothing. Just sat in the silence and allowed myself to be in it for a few minutes. That’s what I’ve really needed. The pedicure was nice, the retwist was better, and the cleaning was certainly cathartic… but it was the silence that I needed. The actual physical separation from house and husband and children was the necessary thing to begin to break this block.
And I actually did some writing in the car. Not a lot. I ran out of time (damnit. That extra half-hour could have been the key!) but I did some. I contemplated actually getting back to Project Vi and doing some damn work!
I’m not sure that the block is actually broken. Matter of fact, I’m absolutely sure it’s not. Otherwise, I’d be writing fiction right now… the flood gates would be open. But there is a crack in it. Gotta start somewhere.
I’m glad ya’ll enjoyed that little joke post. It’s cute, yes. The first 10 times. But they really did repeat it over and over and over again yesterday. It gets exhausting. And Minor is entering the stage that Major just left: The “I want something so I will just keep saying that I want that thing over and over and over again until I get it” phase. It is infuriating.
“I want some apple juice with lunch.”
“I know, baby, I’m actively making your lunch for you. I will be with you in a moment.”
“But I want apple juice.”
“Baby, I know. I’m very aware of your wants. You always get apple juice with lunch. When I am done with your sandwich, I will get it for you.”
“But I want it. I am thirsty. I want some apple juice.”
“[Ursa middle name other middle name Minor] I’m on it. I hear you. By the way, that is not a request. And if you pester me about this again, I will not get you apple juice.”
Major, in a whiny voice: “But I want apple juice, too!”
“Both of you get out of the kitchen!”
And that’s just an excerpt!
See why I’m blocked?
I get another morning to myself on Friday. The full morning, too. I can’t wait. Breakfast will be had. And writing, too? We’ll see. Time is such a luxury that it’s overwhelming to consider!
How are you holding up, dear reader? Stay warm.