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I Need a Word to Describe my Current Feeling…

3 years ago

1166 words

Photo: That’s my baby. He’s sitting on a chair, quietly waiting for the big transition before snack time. He helped set up the chairs then he found himself a seat. The first seat, of course. And then he waited.  I love much this child loves school.

 

These boys…

Lord. These two boys…

I just spent my morning at preschool serving as parent-helper in Ursa Minor’s class. Snack of oatmeal cookies, carrot sticks, guacamole, cheese, and cherry tomatoes for any toddlers who had an adventurous pallet was served. Paintings were painted. Sorting was done. Songs were sung. I may have done some dancing to “To Stop the Train in Cases of Emergency” with the children. Good times. Exhausting times.

Exhibit A of all my hard work:

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Don’t laugh. That was difficult work. You had to do that with a magnet pen and the magnet was strong enough to pick up two of those little ball thingies at once if they were too close to each other…

Exhibit B:

 

I’m naming that one “Adrift and Pretty.” See all that texture, ya’ll? That’s some advanced artwork right there!

 

And now I’m sitting here feeling… what’s the word? … befuddled. I have so little brain power left to get through the rest of the day. And I’m sitting here like, “oh my God, it’s Wednesday. I’ve got so much to do!” Must be mid-November!

The weather has been beautiful here and that is half of my problem. The weather man has been saying all week that the arctic air is coming. “One more day of gorgeous weather! Enjoy it!” he has implored. So we’ve been outside raking leaves and riding our “motorcycles” and playing on the slide and being at the park… and enjoying life with only a pullover on instead of the big heavy coat. But tomorrow? Oh, tomorrow… here it comes! It’s so depressing when it’s this long slow march and the weatherman gets more dire by the day: “We probably won’t see weather like this again until mid-April or early-May, folks, so please get out there any enjoy it!” My little southern heart is just breaking.

So anyway, yes, outside. All morning. I raked leaves and then went and got some knitting (procrastination is the devil. I should have been writing or editing). I’m sitting in the sun and casting-on stitches for a new project and I look up because it’s quiet. My youngest son is sitting on his “motorcycle” craning his little neck to look up at the sky. Seriously! Holding on to the handles, but leaning all the way back in his little seat so that he can face the sky fully. Minor puts his head down, looks at me with a toothy grin and announces:

“Mommy! The sky is blue, Mommy! Look at the sky! It’s blue!”

and I laughed.

I love that his face is always turned upward toward the sky. He’s forever looking at the moon or the clouds, and he’s always observing the weather. The child is always telling people what color the sky is (because sometimes it’s orange, or “silver,” which is really gray, or black or any other color that you can see on the spectrum). He has begun to notice that the moon doesn’t always look the same. It’s full right now, but it has other shapes during the month, and when he catches a glimpse of it, he’ll remark on its shape. Major will follow his lead sometimes, and as a matter of fact, yesterday Major, too, stopped to observe the sky. “I don’t think that it’s blue, [Minor] , I think… I think it’s just sunny today,” he quipped. Major’s face is always turned toward, very micro-oriented in his viewpoints (this is his father! He’s 100% his father!)  He is very focused on what he is doing, his face level with his creations or his story. It is hard for him to refocus to a larger view.

This is what Major has been doing lately with his toys:

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Interesting, yes? He puts these colorful little toy cars, puts them in what was supposed to be a little toy toolbox, but he now calls it his “suitcase” and he will take them from room to room and line them up in these different, tight, interesting little patterns and groups. And he won’t let his brother anywhere near them as he does it. It’s fascinating.

Minor, on the other hand, light and airy in his being, his energy filling the entire room, is interested in the larger, the grander, like this:

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I’m calling this ” In Matters Regarding Clouds.” Mostly because, while he was painting it (with two brushes simultaneously), he was screaming, “I am painting a cloud! I am painting a yellow cloud! Now I’m painting a big green cloud!”

The two of them really are something. You have these exhausting days, but then there are little moments. To be able to watch them think and wonder is special to me. Of course, for each of these special moments, I’ve got ten more of crying and screaming and fighting… it’s how it goes. I’m grateful, though. Every time I take them to school and I get to watch them interact with other people, especially when they think I’m not looking, I’m shown that I’m doing something right. They are polite, they follow directions, they navigate the social pressures of preschool with as much grace as could be expected. They look like two little boys who are loved, but who also recognize other people around them and are conscientious of how others are feeling. It’s nice. There is payoff to all of this hard work.

And now? Now I need to edit… and maybe add another 1000 words to my wordcount (I’m ahead of the game! Yeah!!). I need to think about how I’m going to execute a dinner plan… and I need to think about what the heck I’m bringing to the big school breakfast on Friday. Everyone is bringing sweet things: muffins, fruit, etc etc and I feel like I need to bring something savory. I’m contemplating breakfast burritos, but making enough homemade tortillas would be the biggest pain in the butt. It really would be. “Well, Kyra, why not just get some store-bought tortillas and make the filling. No big deal?” Well, dear reader, first: a single store-bought tortilla has 7% of your daily sodium in it. Did you know that? Ridiculous. Start adding your filling and cheese and junk, and you’re looking at a bunch of sodium in one little thing. Second: once you have your first homemade tortillas, you’ll never want it from a bag again. I promise. They are absolutely worth the effort.

So, breakfast casserole? I’m not really good at those… anyone have any suggestions out there? I thought about a fritata, but I feel like I’d want that to be really hot?

Quiet Thoughts on Friday? Meadowlark Act Two? Breakfast for 70ish people? Anyone have the power to manipulate space and time??

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