Two Bonus Stories today! Lucky you!
Story The First!
I’m going to go knit with other moms from preschool tomorrow after dinner. The Husband thought I was leaving before dinner, so he turns to the boys today as we’re eating and says:
“You boys get to hang out with daddy tomorrow!”
Me: “Oh, no, I don’t have to be there until later… I’ll stick around for dinner.”
Husband, slightly deflated: “Oh.”
Me, with a raised eyebrow: “Why? What mischief were you planning?”
Husband, with a straight face: “I was going to have all my hoes over tomorrow.”
Me: [Stares at my husband with a mockingly angry expression.]
Ursa Major: “Um, yeah, I think that there is a hose. We are going to bring it inside of the house!”
Me: [Triumphant smile on my face, staring expectantly at my husband.]
Husband, to Ursa Major, though he is looking at me in defiance: “Oh yes, we do have a water hose outside. Yes, we can use that for watering things! But not inside the house…”
Ursa Major, oblivious: “Yeah. We can use it outside. We can make muddy puddles with it.” (Ursa Major and Ursa Minor watch too much Peppa Pig)
We’re awful parents.
Story The Second!
The Husband does bathtime/bedtime every night because, frankly, I’m exhausted at the end of the day. I choose the boys’ pajamas, though, because I like to make sure that stuff is coordinated and that they look cute (in other words, I’m that mom who needs her kids to look good, even when they are sleeping and no one can see them). So I usually go into the nursery during bath time to lay out the clothes. Because the boys are different sizes, I announce to The Husband who is getting what. It usually goes something along the line of “[Ursa Major] is Polar Bear, [Ursa Minor] is Pirates.” The Husband usually calls “thanks!” and then I get to go disappear for the evening.
This evening I thought I’d be cute. I put out two different outfits that have dinosaurs on them. This made me smile.
I went into the bathroom and announced, quite dramatically, “[Ursa Major] is dinosaurs and [Ursa Minor] is dinosaurs! Mwahahahahahaha!!”
I had my Dr. Evil pinky up and everything. I stood in the doorframe and cackled like a buffoon.
This is my husband:
“You know I always check the tags anyway, right?”
Me, shocked: “What?? Why?”
Him: “Because I never remember what you say. It’s just easier for me to look at the tags anyway.”
Me: [Staring at my husband, incredulous, mouth open]
Him: “Yeah, so… joke’s on you!”
Clearly the universe sought to laugh at me today. Fine, Universe. I’m going to bed.