Photo: We are so close to consistent sunny, warm days again… The boys are just as desperate as I am for some time out in the fresh air, and we’ve gotten to linger in the front yard for a little bit after school a few times in the last week. This has given each of a chance to explore aspects of this yard we’ve got (we have a total of just under a half-acre of land) and all of the fun little elements of it. There are a LOT of projects to be had (I hope to post pictures next week), and a lot of adventures awaiting two smart little bears.
My goodness, when it rains, it pours. First things first, I must be polite and say THANK YOU for the many comments on Monday’s post. I haven’t come to a solution quite yet, though I can tell you that The Husband is mounting his campaign. He has talked about the Episcopal service now three times since Sunday: “I heard a hymn I’ve never heard before… it was so nice, I had to scour the ‘net for it and download it…” “Oh man, I’m just thinking about the skill of that organist…” “I can’t get that hymn out of my head. I listened to it twice on the train..”
Uh huh, Husband… alrighty…
He says that he is still looking and that there is another church that he plans to visit this Sunday in yet another neighboring town. But I’m telling you right now that the standard is just ridiculously high now.
I’ve spoken to a few other folks in person about this and haven’t come to a good space about it. My current inclination is to simply not go, let The Husband shepherd the boys through this and know that I have battles ahead of me in the future. This, however, feels like an unnecessary surrender. Surely compromise can be found. We’ll see. To be continued…
And speaking of “to be continued,” I have an update on the Peggy Party. You’ll never even guess.
So I got my official “Evite” for the party. It’s 90 minutes of playdate on a Friday afternoon, simple enough, yeah? And she only invited the kids from Ursa Major’s class (which means that if he isn’t there, it’ll kinda be noticeable… ) but whatever. I figure, it’s 90 minutes, how bad could it be? I decided to sleep on it anyway, because I really just don’t know how I feel about this on principle… and then, of course, I got distracted and didn’t think about it again. So yesterday after school, Peggy just generally makes an announcement to the gathered moms:
“I haven’t looked at my evite lately! Everyone is coming to the birthday party, right?”
The other moms answer in affirmative… I am trying to shuffle my boys off the playground and avoid eye-contact. (If I had been a true-blue good Millennial, this would have been the part when I would have stared blankly at my phone hoping that this would make me magically disappear.) Well, you know that wasn’t gonna work out. She looks right at me.
And, like a fool, I stammered for a moment. “I got the evite… but I didn’t really look at my calendar… I think we can make it, but I also have this other thing…”
Again, she waves her hand dismissively. “Yeah, no biggie. I mean, it is just a quick thing. Just, you know, if you want to bring him, we’d love to have him.”
“Right, uh… I think it should be fine…. it’s just, you know, I’ll be flying solo, so is it ok if I bring [Ursa Minor], too?”
So she says this: “Yeah, no, this is a drop-off party. You don’t need to be there. Just come and drop him off. I’ll have plenty of helpers. My older kids will be there and it’s just 9 kids total. No biggie.”
“It’s a drop off…” I repeat stupidly, with this idiotic look on my face as I go over the many implications of this in my brain.
“Yeah! Drop off! No big deal for you! He’ll be ok for that, right? He should be comfortable?”
The other moms seem to be perfectly fine with this arrangement. Everyone else is walking, everyone else is fine. I’m the one who is nonplussed… and I’m really floundering here.
“I mean, yeah, I guess… he should be fine. You’d be fine, right [Ursa Major]?”
He’s not interested in giving me any sort of help. He’s walkin’ out with the other kids. Thanks, bro.
“So, you know, just let me know…”
“I’ll um… I look at my calendar and RSVP by tomorrow afternoon…”
“You can RSVP the day of. It really isn’t a big deal. If he’s too tired, don’t bring him. Just whatever you want to do.”
It is one thing to go over to this woman’s place and play nice at her house while my kid runs around with her kid at a birthday party. Sure, I’d probably spend my time wrestling Ursa Minor or something, but at least I’d be able to give it the old college try…
but to drop that child off? At a place I’ve never been to? With a woman I don’t like? It’s beyond the pale for me. How are you going to ask me to place one of the two most precious things in my possession into your care without my being there? I have no idea what is in that woman’s home. I have never met her older children. The only social occasion I’ve ever spent this woman was ghastly to say that least. And it isn’t about him being in physical danger, (though, it could be… I mean, I don’t know this woman), it’s really about all of the other things that could happen. How is she going to treat my son?
So clearly I’m going to say no.
But when I go to this evite after I write this post and click the “no” button, I know that I’m opening myself up to two weeks of persuasion from this woman trying to convince me that I should, at least, reconsider. And I will likely stammer like a complete buffoon like I did this time around. What I hope is that this doesn’t hurt Ursa Major’s chances at other invites. I don’t want to imply that Ursa Major can’t have drop-off playdates or birthday parties… I just don’t want him to have drop-off playdates or birthday parties at Peggy’s house…
I’m so sorry if you are a person who has real and actual problems in the world. I realize that I often write about the most asinine things. This really is a stupid problem that I need to just stop thinking about. I clearly need to refocus on what is going on in the world. Excuse my shallow ridiculousness today!
I should tell you, dear reader, that the winds outside my window are whipping in gusts of 40 miles per hour at the moment. There is a blizzard happening on Cape Cod as I type, and yet I’ve seen only 3 snowflakes (Thank God!). The trees around the house are very tall and quite old, and they seem to be managing well, though I still worry about them–I’m not a renter any more! Tree damage would be a problem I’d have to deal with!
Hearing the wind and seeing the bare branches whipping back and forth under the milky-gray sky also makes me feel cold and sleepy. I had a morning full of chores (including hauling 30-some gallons of water so as to fill my fish tank today) and that was after the 1000 words I wrote in the small hours of the morning. My running tally so far: 2 meals, 2 loads of laundry, 2 rooms swept, 2 fish tanks filled (yes, TWO!)… I hope I have enough energy to get some more fiction written before the boys wake up and I have to get at it again (gotta get a vacuum to that playroom today… and I have to bake cookies for school tomorrow…) .
Can you believe that Friday is the last Friday of March?? Where does the time go? And did you also know that tomorrow is my half-birthday?? 6 more months of youthful smugness left! 6 Months to do something about that Worthy Challenge I gave myself! Ack!
Well, actually, I’ve got news about that… but I’ll save it for Friday’s Quiet Thoughts and end-of-the-month check-in. 🙂
I’m still all ears for suggestions about my church dilemma… please feel free to comment if you feel so inclined!