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3 years ago

1433 words

Photo: We are so close to consistent sunny, warm days again… The boys are just as desperate as I am for some time out in the fresh air, and we’ve gotten to linger in the front yard for a little bit after school a few times in the last week. This has given each of a chance to explore aspects of this yard we’ve got (we have a total of just under a half-acre of land) and all of the fun little elements of it. There are a LOT of projects to be had (I hope to post pictures next week), and a lot of adventures awaiting two smart little bears.

 

My goodness, when it rains, it pours. First things first, I must be polite and say THANK YOU for the many comments on Monday’s post. I haven’t come to a solution quite yet, though I can tell you that The Husband is mounting his campaign. He has talked about the Episcopal service now three times since Sunday: “I heard a hymn I’ve never heard before… it was so nice, I had to scour the ‘net for it and download it…” “Oh man, I’m just thinking about the skill of that organist…” “I can’t get that hymn out of my head. I listened to it twice on the train..”

Uh huh, Husband… alrighty…

He says that he is still looking and that there is another church that he plans to visit this Sunday in yet another neighboring town. But I’m telling you right now that the standard is just ridiculously high now.

I’ve spoken to a few other folks in person about this and haven’t come to a good space about it. My current inclination is to simply not go, let The Husband shepherd the boys through this and know that I have battles ahead of me in the future. This, however, feels like an unnecessary surrender. Surely compromise can be found. We’ll see. To be continued…

And speaking of “to be continued,” I have an update on the Peggy Party. You’ll never even guess.

So I got my official “Evite” for the party. It’s 90 minutes of playdate on a Friday afternoon, simple enough, yeah? And she only invited the kids from Ursa Major’s class (which means that if he isn’t there, it’ll kinda be noticeable… ) but whatever. I figure, it’s 90 minutes, how bad could it be? I decided to sleep on it anyway, because I really just don’t know how I feel about this on principle… and then, of course, I got distracted and didn’t think about it again. So yesterday after school, Peggy just generally makes an announcement to the gathered moms:

“I haven’t looked at my evite lately! Everyone is coming to the birthday party, right?”

The other moms answer in affirmative… I am trying to shuffle my boys off the playground and avoid eye-contact. (If I had been a true-blue good Millennial, this would have been the part when I would have stared blankly at my phone hoping that this would make me magically disappear.) Well, you know that wasn’t gonna work out. She looks right at me.

And, like a fool, I stammered for a moment. “I got the evite… but I didn’t really look at my calendar… I think  we can make it, but I also have this other thing…”

Again, she waves her hand dismissively. “Yeah, no biggie. I mean, it is just a quick thing. Just, you know, if you want to bring him, we’d love to have him.”

“Right, uh… I think it should be fine…. it’s just, you know, I’ll be flying solo, so is it ok if I bring [Ursa Minor], too?”

So she says this: “Yeah, no, this is a drop-off party. You don’t need to be there. Just come and drop him off. I’ll have plenty of helpers. My older kids will be there and it’s just 9 kids total. No biggie.”

“It’s a drop off…” I repeat stupidly, with this idiotic look on my face as I go over the many implications of this in my brain.

“Yeah! Drop off! No big deal for you! He’ll be ok for that, right? He should be comfortable?”

The other moms seem to be perfectly fine with this arrangement. Everyone else is walking, everyone else is fine. I’m the one who is nonplussed… and I’m really floundering here.

“I mean, yeah, I guess… he should be fine. You’d be fine, right [Ursa Major]?”

He’s not interested in giving me any sort of help. He’s walkin’ out with the other kids. Thanks, bro.

“So, you know, just let me know…”

“I’ll um… I look at my calendar and RSVP by tomorrow afternoon…”

“You can RSVP the day of. It really isn’t a big deal. If he’s too tired, don’t bring him. Just whatever you want to do.”

Oh Lordy…

It is one thing to go over to this woman’s place and play nice at her house while my kid runs around with her kid at a birthday party. Sure, I’d probably spend my time wrestling Ursa Minor or something, but at least I’d be able to give it the old college try…

but to drop that child off? At a place I’ve never been to? With a woman I don’t like? It’s beyond the pale for me. How are you going to ask me to place one of the two most precious things in my possession into your care without my being there? I have no idea what is in that woman’s home. I have never met her older children. The only social occasion I’ve ever spent this woman was ghastly to say that least. And it isn’t about him being in physical danger, (though, it could be… I mean, I don’t know this woman), it’s really about all of the other things that could happen. How is she going to treat my son?

So clearly I’m going to say no.

But when I go to this evite after I write this post and click the “no” button, I know that I’m opening myself up to two weeks of persuasion from this woman trying to convince me that I should, at least, reconsider. And I will likely stammer like a complete buffoon like I did this time around. What I hope is that this doesn’t hurt Ursa Major’s chances at other invites. I don’t want to imply that Ursa Major can’t have drop-off playdates or birthday parties… I just don’t want him to have drop-off playdates or birthday parties at Peggy’s house

I’m so sorry if you are a person who has real and actual problems in the world. I realize that I often write about the most asinine things. This really is a stupid problem that I need to just stop thinking about. I clearly need to refocus on what is going on in the world. Excuse my shallow ridiculousness today!

I should tell you, dear reader, that the winds outside my window are whipping in gusts of 40 miles per hour at the moment. There is a blizzard happening on Cape Cod as I type, and yet I’ve seen only 3 snowflakes (Thank God!). The trees around the house are very tall and quite old, and they seem to be managing well, though I still worry about them–I’m not a renter any more! Tree damage would be a problem I’d have to deal with!

Hearing the wind and seeing the bare branches whipping back and forth under the milky-gray sky also makes me feel cold and sleepy. I had a morning full of chores (including hauling 30-some gallons of water so as to fill my fish tank today) and that was after the 1000 words I wrote in the small hours of the morning. My running tally so far: 2 meals, 2 loads of laundry, 2 rooms swept, 2 fish tanks filled (yes, TWO!)…   I hope I have enough energy to get some more fiction written before the boys wake up and I have to get at it again (gotta get a vacuum to that playroom today… and I have to bake cookies for school tomorrow…) .

Can you believe that Friday is the last Friday of March?? Where does the time go? And did you also know that tomorrow is my half-birthday?? 6 more months of youthful smugness left! 6 Months to do something about that Worthy Challenge I gave myself! Ack!

Well, actually, I’ve got news about that… but I’ll save it for Friday’s Quiet Thoughts and end-of-the-month check-in. 🙂

I’m still all ears for suggestions about my church dilemma… please feel free to comment if you feel so inclined!

10 Replies to “More to Think On”

      1. Movin to Phoenix. Done with that northern weather. You can keep it, Cape Cod 🙂

        I haven’t been able to go back and catch up on you yet; I’m assuming you’re in the new place? I’m loving the pics you’ve posted. Glad husband is handy. Very intrigued to read about church. All that work out ok?

        1. Wait… isn’t Phoenix in perpetual summer? Won’t that just be… weird? Won’t you miss the four seasons???

          We’re still working on church. I hope to have more info on Wednesday. I don’t know what the heck I’m going to do…

          1. Nah, love it out here; and it has four seasons lol. I will not miss Iowa’s four seasons–freakin haaated all but summer. Ok, putting everything else off to read your church post is definitely on m’list now

  1. I don’t know. I just tell people like it is now. Sometimes they think I’m uptight, and maybe they talk about me after, but I’ve gotten to where I don’t really care anymore. Is that bad? If it were me, I would just say, “Hey! I’d love to come and stay with Ursa Major, but I just don’t feel comfortable dropping him off somewhere yet by himself. Maybe once we visit your place, I’ll feel more comfortable the next time around.” And remind her that you will have to bring Ursa Minor too. If she acts weird, then don’t go. At that point, she’s being weird by NOT letting you be there. This is coming from the mom though that has asked her kid’s friends’ parents if they have guns in the home before I send my kid over. I’m sorry, but I want to know this kind of stuff!!

    1. I replied “no” and saw her yesterday, and she was like “I hope you understand about Ursa Minor…” and I was like, “Oh, I just replied no last night. No biggie.” She was like, “Oh, that’s too bad. We would love to have him. He’s so cute.” Meh. I’m alright with him missing it. You are right, I need to be more forthcoming with how I’m actually feeling and communicate my true feelings and worries to people. I’m feeling a combination of outsider-ness because I’m the new mom, the brown mom and I just don’t feel like rocking the boat. But my foolishness made for unnecessary awkwardness and ambiguity.

      I am a HUGE fan of asking about guns in homes. I saw a 20/20 a few weeks ago about kids and guns and curiosity, and it scared the hell out of me. I plan on asking early and often when it is time for drop-off playdates. I feel like it’s the responsible thing to do to ask!

      I also wanted to say thank you for the Normons article that you sent. I spent time this morning reading it and contemplating it. Of course, it raised more questions for me, but they were questions worth asking and pondering on. I’m grateful for your and many other people’s observations and answers, and I plan on writing about this more in the future. I’m grateful, most of all, for the opportunity to know that how I’m feeling is normal… even a good thing. 🙂 Thank you for sharing. I’m really looking forward to exploring that website a little more over the weekend.

      1. Well, it sounds like you did the right thing if she was hinting you couldn’t bring him anyway. As far as the gun thing, I have been a big proponent of asking about that since I read the book, “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker. I recommend it to ALL parents. There is a whole chapter in there about boys and guns which really changed my thinking. I’ve never wanted to have them in my home, but now I don’t want my kids going over to other people’s houses where there are guns either! I saw the 20/20 also, and it just solidified in my mind what I’d already decided. SUPER eye opening when you have boys.
        If you are going to look at the Normons website, you have to check out the post about famous people tweeting out sayings from some of our church leaders (apostles). It’s pretty funny. If you have any interest in the mormon churches beliefs, mormon.org is a great resource! Or you can always ask me. 🙂 have a great weekend!

        1. You are amazing and always so kind. Thank you! I’m going to send you an email later this evening.

          I just wanted you to know that I took down your email address–I realize that it’s your blog email address, so it probably isn’t a big deal, but I still want to try to prevent the various spam bots of the universe from coming and filling your inbox with crappity crap!

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