Photo: Christmas came a little early for me and The Husband. We needed to exchange gifts to keep our sanity. This little sweetie is more than I could have hoped for.
I know that I’m getting there–I have to get there no matter what! That’s just how time works, right? The finishline is on the horizon. A lot of the logistics are confirmed, there are many boxes in my house packed. There is a little momentum picking up…
But Lordy, this weekend felt like the Twilight Zone: Time went way too fast during some parts, entirely too slow during others. The boys are in absolute full revolutionary rebellion, the husband is stressed and not asking for help, and I admit that I’ve been a little mean.
We’ve both been mean. The husband does this passive aggressive thing where he decides that what I say to him “doesn’t make sense” and then I simply decide that he’s an idiot and I tell him so. Meanwhile, the boys are screaming at our feet, knowing that if they can just hit one more octave they’ll be able to blow up the world. I know that this, too, shall pass… and that we’ve both gotten little sleep. It was a hard weekend, though, for the two of us and this marriage. We’ve been such strong partners for the entirety of this process. To see that break down, even for a tiny moment, was a hard thing. It has been really heavy on my mind this weekend.
Don’t be too worried about me and the hubs–we found moments to be good to each other. The picture above is a good example. We sorta cheated and did Christmas early. I gave my husband his gift on Friday night when he sat down after the bed-bath routine and looked like he was contemplating stepping in front of a bus. He hesitated for only a moment. When the video game that he’s been wanting, but didn’t get for his birthday, slipped out of the envelope he had a brief and brilliant smile. So on Saturday, he tried his best to sneak on my gift–a new little charm for my bracelet.
It’s the little things, you know? I haven’t put a new charm on my bracelet in years. To see that sweet little house and know why it’s there… it is just a lovely little reminder of how hard we’ve both worked. How much it means to both of us. And how, no matter what, no one is going to love and appreciate this house more than we will. As long as we keep working with each other, being our best partners… I recognize that these reminders are important to a marriage at times.
I looked at my task list this morning and so much of it is struck through. That’s a great feeling, but there are just so many extra things that keep popping up. And also items that have only been partially completed because the task has been larger than we expected. The husband spent 3 hours cleaning one of two refrigerators at the house on Saturday. “It was really dirty,” he claimed. It’s “really clean now,” he concluded. I dunno… there were other things that he was supposed to get done on Saturday that didn’t happen… and we didn’t get to the house on Sunday because of the freaking snow.
We’ve been going back and forth with the contractor and various aspects of the house renno. First off, the electricians and the plumber have both cut into important beams and structural assets of the house during their time there, and that is going to have to be repaired. As much as my contractor keeps assuring me that the house is going to be ready for our stuff and ourselves by the 28th, I don’t know… I just don’t believe it. It’s two weeks away, right? A lot can happen between now and then. I know that the electricians and the plumber are there today, including my Contractor. But the kitchen has to be done and none of the stuff has been ordered and… and… and…
Let’s take a second to talk about something good:
I finished my novel on Saturday! Saturday was the first time I’ve ever, ever written “the end” for a novel-length piece that I’ve written. I can’t tell you just how good I feel! Part of it is relief–I’m one step closer to completing my “worthy” challenge in September 2014. Though the composition is the “easy” part–the editing and rewrite, which I will start in February, is much more arduous. Then, of course, comes that part about me being brave enough to actually push the button and put myself out there.
One step at a time. I’m celebrating this small victory today.
I wish I had more to write today, but I’m just utterly wiped out–I’m still in a lot of pain, there is still plenty to do. I don’t know what my writing is going to look like this week. I’m committing to posting because that’s the good blogging thing to do. But then again… I’m not feeling terribly profound this week. I don’t want to burden you with my moving complaints.
Actually, maybe I’ll come up with a well-written post for Wednesday. Something Christmas related? I’ll think about a favorite gift, maybe? Or sledding in Maryland? I will come up with something. The best thing to do when feeling funky like this is to step it up!
I’m still here. I’m tired, but I’m still here. And I’ll have a better post on Wednesday, worthy of your page view. In the mean time, I hope that you are being productive, that you aren’t snowed in, that your holiday shopping is just about done!