Of Transience and Homemaking


I am a woman moved.

I’m sitting in the middle level of our townhouse, my front door is open to let in the light (the storm door is locked, but you and I both know that this is not really secure), the screen door that leads to my deck is open, letting in a very pleasant 74 degree breeze that is rustling through the mature dark green leaves of the ancient trees behind the house. My sons are taking naps after a fun time at the beautiful park down the street.

The Husband is downstairs, unpacking the last of the boxes in the basement, setting up the boy’s main play area as well as our desks and an area for us to watch movies and play video games.

I am a woman, moved.

Tomorrow, my husband will take our little car and go to work.

Then I’ll be a woman, isolated.

Sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for. I always thought that I liked the suburban lifestyle. What I didn’t realize was that I’ve never truly lived in the suburbs. I grew up in and have always lived in something in between the inner city and the suburbs. I’ve never been far away from a bus stop or a train station (or both), with access to anywhere and everywhere. Since the boys, I’ve become an expert in navigating public transit with two babies and a double stroller. It isn’t really an environmental thing for me, it’s a freedom thing for me, it’s an access thing for me. 

and I won’t have that anymore. Poof. I haven’t heard a single bus since we moved here on Saturday. This place shuts down at sunset and then it gets dark, like seriously dark. No warm glowing glow of light pollution. And quiet.

My husband is going to use the car for these three weeks and then he’ll start taking the commuter rail. I’m realizing that these are going to be a rough few weeks because there isn’t much around here within walking distance. I drove the boys to the park today–it isn’t far away, but you have to walk down two fairly busy roads to get there and they are narrow with no sidewalks. Soooo, about that.

and of course, this being New England, I’ve met none of my neighbors. What happened to the days when people knocked on the door and shook your hands when you moved in?

I had no idea what I was getting into, and I am only just beginning to understand the depth of the challenge that I’ve chosen…sought.

Let’s talk about awesome things:

1) We hired the absolute best movers in the entire universe. If you are in the Boston area and you need to move, you really ought to call Rare Movers. It is really, really hard to impress me. These men moved our entire 2-bedroom apartment, start to finish, in 3 1/2 hours. Happily. Carefully. All while calling me “ma’am” the entire time. I haven’t been treated so well since we left the south. They were phenomenal.

2) The boys (and my parents) survived their first over-night visit on Saturday and they were angels. This is WONDERFUL news! I’m so looking forward to planning a quick anniversary trip with The Husband. Our 5th wedding anniversary is in October and now I think we’ll be able to actually celebrate it!

3) The Husband and I were really efficient with our day and with our packing. The kitchen was completely unpacked before the end of Saturday and the Nursery was established by Sunday morning. We were able to bring the boys to a home that had a pretty good look and feel of “home” by early Sunday afternoon.

But that feeling of “home” is quite funny, because this isn’t really home. We don’t want it to be home. This is just the hop. So a lot of boxes are being tucked away into closets, remaining unopened. We aren’t putting up any pictures or other artifacts, as we don’t want to make holes in the walls and further piss off the management of this property. The husband has put wires in funky places to accommodate internet and cable stuff, and I don’t care. I keep turning to him and saying “I don’t care.” Because this isn’t home. The problem with this mentality is that this place has to be home to the boys. They don’t understand that we are still in transition. for the 60 to 90 days (or however long it’s going to take) that we live here, this place absolutely needs to feel like home for the boys. This move was hard enough on them (Ursa Major, especially) as it is. So we’re working really hard to make it feel good for them, even while we know that it’s going to be a pain in the ass to repack for us.

On Friday we got an e-mail from the realtor saying that the selling family of the house we’re in love with wants to go to closing as soon as Sept 20th. While we ponder the implications and many, many potential complications, we are having an inspector walk through the house today. 99.9% of me hopes and prays that the house is prefect without any problems beyond what we know. .1% of me hopes that there is a major problem so that I can feel fully settled into this place and really dig into this community. I think that this .1% feeling comes from me not wanting to look at another box again for a long while.

I hope to have good news for you about the house on Wednesday, and thank you to everyone who has sent your well wishes (I’ll get to that after I’m done with this post!). I need some good news right now because there is nothing but bad news coming out of my playgroup. I hope to post about that this week, too.

It’s good to be back and rewired. There is so much that I want to write about this week–I hope that I can get to it all. We’ve got to talk about the “Respectability” argument that that Talented Tenth is squabbling about and we’ve got to talk about my silly playgroup….Lordy, lord.

Until then, I hope your week is gearing up to be a great one!

9 Comments Add yours

  1. candidkay says:

    I always remind myself that I carry “home” inside of me but so easy to say and so much harder to feel when a place feels foreign. Best of luck to you . . . enjoy the quiet with a good book and a glass of wine:)

    1. K.C. Wise says:

      You know, Kay, it’s funny. I don’t know what “Home” really means anymore. I think that home is where your heart and soul are, and if that’s the case, “home” will always be Maryland. It SHOULD be that home is where my husband and boys are…but I feel so attached to a culture and style that I miss terribly. It is hard to divorce “Maryland” from the concept of “Home” as much as I try. My heart is there. It doesn’t matter where my husband and sons are.

      I’m really hoping that this little house with all of the attachment that I have to it will finally break (or weaken? Maybe I don’t want it to be broken) the bond that I have to my home state.

      And thank you. I really need to buy a bottle of good wine and drink it. I love Riesling and I haven’t had any for a while. I drink beer during the summer and fall because Samuel Adams makes two fantastic seasonal beers during this time: Summer Ale from June to August and Octoberfest from September until November. They are FANTASTIC beers and I just have to have them while they are out.

  2. Having just moved, I get the exhaustion. I will say though, my neighbors have blown me away with their kindness! Here’s to hoping you get whatever is right for you and your cute little family.

    1. K.C. Wise says:

      Thanks so much, Meredith! The exhaustion is turning into snappiness on all of our parts. Nobody is being patient, nobody is being compassionate…it’s been chaos here. I don’t recognize my family right now! I’m hoping that we can survive the week, wake up on Saturday, and feel “normal.”

  3. Lauren says:

    I totally lived in so many “hop(s)” while growing up. I didn’t really notice until I was older, because she always made a game of it. Usually we pretended we were camping, so of course we were willing to only unpack the necessities and absolute favorite toys.

    Good luck with the house! I hope all goes well and that you can get settled before your anniversary.

    1. K.C. Wise says:

      Thanks for reading and thanks for your well wishes! I wish that my boys were old enough to play such a game with. Right now, Ursa Major just keeps running around saying “we’re in the NNEEWW house!” which is cute, but then he goes off and runs over his brother with a toy truck….

      It has been a stressful time. I wish I could think about my anniversary, but right now, I can only contemplate how to keep my cool after this nap time!

      1. Lauren says:

        Big hug to you!

        We’ll be moving within the next year and I look forward to it, but completely dread it at the same time. I’ll only have one kid under my arm, so I admire you greatly.

        1. K.C. Wise says:

          I hope that your move goes more smoothly than mine is. I have spent most of my day lamenting about my very foolish decision to move here!

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