Quiet Thoughts: Toddler Biowarfare and Second Thoughts

Photo: Ursa Major was all of 5 months old last time we moved. How easy and simple the world was back then. This was him on our first day in this apartment. 2 years later,  so much has changed.

It’s raining on a Friday morning. No sun to greet today. I was hoping that the rain would allow the boys to sleep through the night, but at 3am, Ursa Major woke up screaming in crying. Last night was the third night in a row of Ursa Major up and asking for us.

I didn’t realize how much anxiety this would cause my eldest. I was actually more concerned about Ursa Minor, thinking that he would be too young to “get it” and be freaked out by all of the boxes. I was only partially correct: He is too young to “get it.” So young that he doesn’t really notice the changes to the apartment. He’s going about life as though nothing is going on, because the world as he needs it is still intact: Mommy? (check) Food? (check) Toys? (Check).

Ursa Major, on the other hand, has been a very anxious baby. Lots of acting out, lots of screaming at his brother, up in the middle of the night (he woke up 3 times on Wednesday night), in great need of more hugs and kisses, obstinate in the face of directions…

and he’s had two major diaper accidents in as many days.

Non-mommy readers of my blog may avert their eyes or skip this paragraph. Mommy readers, if you want to skip, that’s fine, too, but I’m not going to censor this. In my two and a half years of motherhood, I have only dealt with maybe 3 or 4 episodes of ridiculously poopy diapers, but they were when the boys were infants and it was that (almost) pleasant breast-feeding poop that didn’t really smell and didn’t really go anywhere. That was nothing compared to what I’d dealt with these past two days. This was something else. And it got everywhere. Ursa Major turns around and says “eww, what is that?” and I won’t tell you where it was or how much there was, but needless to say, I had to carry him to the shower and proceed to take care of him there.

I thought that I could handle all of the manifestations of Ursa Major’s anxiety, but the biowarfare is a little over the top. I don’t even want to know what I’m going to face today. I don’t want to.

We’ve tried to bring down the anxiety with favorite foods and songs, and even maintaining the same routine that he has lived every day of his existence. That last part is important because it is very difficult to maintain a strict routine when your home is gradually becoming less and less functional. Here we are, the day before the move, my kitchen is completely packed, and I’m about to put on flip flops and head over to the neighborhood coffee shop for blueberry muffins and coffee. Because it’s Friday, and on Friday, we have muffins.

Ursa Major isn’t the only person in the house who has anxiety issues.

We submitted a bid on our little house.

A most excellent, even ideal counter-offer was sent.

And we accepted it.

We’re on our way to purchasing this house.

I’m absolutely elated. And terrified. The feeling reminds me of the week leading up to our wedding: We’d planned and planned, we’d talked and talked, we knew that we were doing the absolute right thing and we were excited about it….yet the permanency and gravitas of it loomed over us all week. We would have been fools to completely ignore the little whispers in the back of our minds. We were, really, doing the right thing?

The answer is clear, almost 5 years later.

And I know that the answer is clear with this house. I think. And yet we must go through the process. I’m about to cut the largest checks that I’ve ever cut in my entire life.

While I’m excited about transforming this house into something beautiful, I’ve also named the obstacles many times before. Again, if any of you readers are fabulously rich and just giving away money, please feel free to make a charitable donation to the [Kay] Needs Money Fund. 100% of proceeds go to me. 🙂 (Just kidding)

We are just about ready to make this move. The boys have eaten and now I’m off to the races. I need to round up every single toy, put it in a box and vacuum. I have sheets to wash and phonecalls to make. I have to finally pack the master bathroom. There is also the overnight bags for us and for the boys. I have a statement of purpose to edit for a friend, and a budget to work on for our playgroup. Next week we’ll go into the playgroup conundrum.

I’ll leave you with a story about the babies:

We have a Ford Fusion, with Sync. I usually connect my phone to the car via bluetooth to listen to music while we are in the car. The command for connection is “Bluetooth Audio.” Ursa Major’s new favorite thing to do is to give the car commands. We get in the car and he requests “dancing music” (also known as the Freshbeat Band), and I say fine. I push the button and the car says “Sync: Please say a command” and then beeps. He then screams from the backseat “BLUETOOTH AUDIO!”

Usually the car then asks for clarification: “‘Bluetooth audio’: is that correct?” and then beeps.

“YES!” he screams from the backseat.

The car complies: “Bluetooth audio”

The satisfied smile and giggle that my son gets after this makes me so happy. I can’t fully express why, but it makes me happy.

I’ve been avoiding Freshbeat Band lately, simply because I’m sick of it. I’ve been listening to the new Daft Punk album instead. Ursa Major’s new favorite song is “Lose Yourself to Dance,” and he now enjoys singing along. The song is so repetitive that he picked it up pretty quickly. So when he’s not straight up grooving in his carseat, he’s singing along “[inaudible mumble mumble mumble] DANCE!” “[inaudible mumble mumble mumble] DANCE!”


In other proud mama/super scary news, Ursa Minor (17 months) is counting to 10. I’m astonished. He knows a lot of the alphabet, too. Not all of it, but a lot of it. Ursa Major on the otherhand, had a great grasp of the alphabet and has moved on to phonics. I also learned yesterday while we were reading before nap, that he is picking up sight words. He pointed out “fast” and “screech” and “moo” and “chooka” in his favorite book, I’m Fast. He’s not reading the words by any means, but he’s got the story memorized and now he’s able to point out where we are in the story. My husband must be actually pointing at the words while he’s reading to them at night time. I’m just amazed at what these two babies are doing…

The move is tomorrow, but I’ll be writing on Monday. I wish you all happy and relaxing weekends. I’d thank you if you would sleep an extra 15 minutes this weekend and send that energy my way. I’ll need it. 🙂 And if you would drink an extra pint on my behalf, I’d be grateful for that, too. 🙂

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Congrats on the house! You must be SO excited! I remember when we first bought our house I was practically vibrating, I was so happy. 🙂 A move like that can definitely be hard on kids that are old enough to realize something is wrong though. That’s why I’m so worried about our current position…we moved to this town because it’s where we were working, but then the mill went down and yadda yadda yadda, long story short, neither of us is working in this town anymore. We’re not in the position to move right now because we owe more on the house than we could reasonably expect to earn from selling it (the market has gone to hell), but in the future we hope to move back to our hometown. The problem with this, of course, being that by the time that day comes the baby will be old enough to have friends and roots here. It’s a very stressful topic for me. @_@

    That’s so cute, the thing with the car radio…I get the biggest kick out of little kids playing around with technology. My 4-year-old niece loves to sit with my iPhone and just swipe through the photos. it cracks me up every time!

    1. K.C. Wise says:

      I am so sorry about your home woes. I’m not going to lie, your situation scares me to no end. I know that there are a lot of people out there in the same boat, and I can’t imagine that strength, patience, and virtue you must exercise on a daily basis. I hope that things get better for you, Tracey!

  2. Congratulations on moving to the new house! How many bedrooms does it have? Must be exciting and nervewrecking at the same time! And I seriously had a laugh out moment when I read the bluetooth audio part! Little kids are so easy to impress with technology. haha. Good luck with the adjustment in the new house.
    a side note: your boy is freakin’ adorable!!!:)

    1. K.C. Wise says:

      We’ve moved into a townhouse for now..just 2 bedrooms but sizeable and nice. 3 floors of living space and it already feels like we need more room. LOL

      And thank you. That was a picture from a long time ago. It is so crazy looking at pictures of the boys from so very long ago…

  3. Joyce says:

    Congratulations on your house! I hope it brings you and your family a feeling of warmth and grounding. It’s a great time to buy.

    1. K.C. Wise says:

      Thanks so much, Joyce! It’s a weird time to buy: Boston never really had the bubble burst. Home prices are ridiculous here. And suddenly there is a lot of demand, so it’s a seller’s market. AND interest rates are going up. It’s seriously like God doesn’t actually want me to purchase a place. 🙂 Thank you, though. I’ll keep people posted as we go through this crazy process.

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