I had maintenance come by and put the screen into our balcony door today. I have decided that we have to welcome Spring with open arms, inviting her to join us. She wants us to want her. We must show her our desire. So I had the screen put in the balcony door. It is only maybe 55ish degrees outside, but I’m out here in a skirt and a T shirt, and I’m about to just be in just the camisole, because I want as much skin as possible to be kissed by this warming sun.
Because I want Spring.
The boys are sleeping. I’m grateful for that, too. Ursa Minor’s new nickname is “Cricket.” Remember Men In Black (1), when Tommy Lee Jones gave Will Smith the smallest gun in the arsenal…and it ended up being the most powerful weapon in the movie? Yeah…that cricket. Because he is just so damned powerful. That tiny body makes a sound that can move mountains. Between Ursa Major’s very powerful preferences and Ursa Minor’s powerful use of expression, my nerves have been frayed by the afternoon just about every day.
But right now the sky is blue. And Sol is hugging me. And I am happy.
Can we talk for a second about playdates? I have one tomorrow and I’m actually not excited about it. I know the mom, I know the baby, I love them both…but I find playdates to be among the most awful human interactions in the world.
Because when the babies end up fighting, you feel like a fool. When you run out of things to talk about, you feel like a fool. When it is time to breastfeed, you feel like a fool. There are just too many clumsy moments during playdates. And as excited I am about seeing this woman, who I haven’t seen in a long time, I’m sitting here thinking about exit strategies. How can I kick her out of my apartment after, like, 2 hours?
I would like to take a moment to announce that the T-shirt has, indeed, been exchanged for a camisole. The arms and shoulders are bare (but for spaghetti straps). No sunscreen, and yes, I know better… but I am fulling embracing Spring, here. This must be done, for the sake of all of us!
In other fun updates, momentum has picked up on the house. Papers are being exchanged, lawyers are being called, congratulations have been said… I feel like I am back on the road of buying a house.
That being said, I’m feeling all the more trepidation. This is the right move for our family, yes, but is this the right house? With the inventory so low, prices hae gone through the roof. This is the only house that we can really afford, and it’s a fixer-upper. It isn’t a dilapidated shack by any means, but it’s no Barbie Dream House, either. The more I start talking about the dreams that I have, the vision, the potential, the more that my husband is like “I don’t know if we’ll be able to do that…” or “that will probably cost a lot of money…” I then reply to him “well, you don’t know that…” to which he says, “well, no, but I can take a general and pretty educated guess…I don’t think that is going to be feasible…”
and then my heart breaks.
Because, unlike my husband, I’m going to be in this house all day every day. I won’t get to leave it for large swaths of time on a daily basis. I’ll cook three meals a day in that kitchen, I’ll do laundry just about every day in that basement.
And I feel like, though I liked the house when I was looking at it originally, I don’t know that I know the house. That I can live in the house.
So, now you are probably thinking “Well, why did you bid on it, Kay? Why are you trying to buy this house?”
Because we live in an apartment that is bleeding us of money.
Because Ursa Major starts preschool in September and we are trying to buy into the best school district that we can afford. This is a house we can afford in one of the top 5 school districts in the entire state.
Because the rational side of me knows that this is “just a starter house.”
Though the irrational side of me thinks that it could be “so much more.”
It doesn’t have to be a hop-house because we’ll be in the school system we want and it has enough space for us to live in it comfortably.
I don’t want to come off as spoiled. Part of this is me dreaming out loud and it sucks when someone comes and knocks it down without any solid proof.
I’m just grateful to get the ball rolling. I’m excited to think that I could be a “homeowner” by summer. The change of pace, the permanency, the long list of pet projects, the freedom and the privacy, will all make life a lot better.
And now, I am going to abandon you, dear readers, for the opportunity to drink some coke on ice while listening to the returning birds chirp.
Because Spring is telling me I should do that.
And I listen, because I care.
Happy, productive, restful, and full weekends to each of you. I hope that I have good news to share about the house on Monday.