Photo Credit: I don’t actually know. A friend linked this on their Facebook Page and I don’t know if that person actually made this. So I’m going to say Tony L Koch, because that’s the person who’s name comes up on Facebook.
I’m just going to put it out there. I had happenings with my husband this morning. That’s twice this week.
Now, I know some of you are like “eww.” but I think some of the moms that read my blog and are in the same boat that I’m in, totally get why I wrote that. Since Ursa Major was born, and especially since Ursa Minor was born, happenings has happened once a week. For a while there, it was happening once very three weeks are so. It was awful.
I’m not going to go into the gruesome details of our intimacy schedule, but let’s just say that back in the day, in the pre-children day, there were a bit more happenings happening during the week. We’ve been exhausted and overwhelmed, and I get that, but there were just times when I felt so damned unattractive when we went for seemingly forever without a romantic or intimate moment. So when The Husband rolled over this week for some spontaneous fun, it uplifted the rest of my day! I was so happy about it, I told him about it twice that day. So, this morning, well…I guess he paid attention.
I feel like being cooped up in this little apartment with these two babies all week has been so much more tolerable because all week I’ve felt wanted and appreciated. I feel like a woman again rather than a wife. Does that make sense? All of the stressful moments of the week (and there have been quite a few), have seemed to feel so small in the larger context: I’m a woman who was chosen by a man, who loves me unconditionally, and appreciates the many things I do. How lovely. (Why couldn’t he have done that on Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago??)
and then came the other big news story of the week: We’re buying a house. We got pre-approval to buy a freaking house.
How old am I? Am I about to be married with two kids and a house? Where does the time go?
I don’t think that my poor writing can properly articulate the trepidation, nay, the sheer terror that I’m feeling right now. We don’t really know where to begin, there are so many elements and free radicals out there, there is a timeline that is long buy also short, and we live in a market that never really crashed, so house prices are really high (higher than what we can afford). And then there is the damned process: And how much capital we need to spend right now so that way we can get back to a manageable budget: Indeed, buying a house will be cheaper than renting. We just have to get to the other side of this process. It’s a lot to take in.
And a short story writing competition has cropped up, with a small prize, but still good enough to get my attention. So I’m motivated to do a wee bit of writing (with what time, I ask. WITH WHAT TIME!?!?!). I feel like the positive prayer, reflection, and listening to my life over these few weeks has yielded a lot of positive energy and momentum. Stagnation is lifting, hope is budding, Spring is, indeed, sprouting.
And, you know, despite the failure to get something done in regards to the playroom, I’m feeling really good about the effort this week. I’m learning a lot about my strengths, weaknesses, and capabilities. I knew that having children wasn’t going to be the detriment of my intellectual capabilities, and indeed, I think that motherhood has enhanced my skills immensely. I’m more outgoing, I’m a bit emboldened, I’m taking more calculated risks, I feel good about rewards and I’m not crippled by failure. I was able to take a leadership role that was collaborative, cooperative, and productive. I wrote a very well worded proposal that was useful and actionable. I did something wonderful, although it fell short. It just means that the next time something like that is needed, I can do it again, if not better.
And so I go bounding into this weekend feeling confident, if not exuberant. Jubilant? Joyful? There is so much left to do!
Because I’m only 28. And maybe, just maybe, I haven’t peaked yet. 🙂